I never know how to start these blogs. Let's get right to the point, shall we? You all know my roommate Ben Adam? He's a very unique guy. Here are a few words to describe him: he's passionate, a theologian, and an anarchist. He's awesome though. I've been learning a lot from him (and Tyler but I wanted to focus on him for this post). From him I heard the best answer to my "why me and not them" question.
Last night me, Tyler, and him were discussing theology as we often do. A topic we were discussing was if God still performs miracles today, such has healing people. Of course I brought up, "Well if God does still heal people, why does he heal some and not others? Why me and not them?" He responded, "That's a good question. But I think the question should not be 'why me?' but 'what should I do now?'" He said that basically it's pointless if you are helped by God to just praise God for it and not go and try to help others. You have been healed for a reason. Your job now is to go and help others in need the same way you have been helped. That makes more sense to me. It's not proof that God does actually get involved with the world today but if he does, this is why.
The other thing I wanted to talk about is that I am still struggling with self worth. I don't think I am appreciated anywhere whether it be at work or in the home. I always ask myself "How am I contributing to the benefit of the whole?" and I can't find the answer. Whatever talents I have I don't feel like are being used enough at work. Don't know how they can be. And at home I just struggle with not feeling a part of the community due to my quietness. I don't want to be quiet. I just don't know how not to be. The only thing that comforts me is the part in 2nd Timothy where it talks about how we're all members of the body of Christ, each having our unique gifts and usefulness. The eyes are not the nose but they are no less important. Just different. Like I said I don't know how I am useful but I can only hope and trust that I am contributing to the world somehow in a positive way.