Think I'm gonna miss this place

     As some of you know I will be moving back to Lancaster, Pennsylvania in the next few months. It was a hard decision for me and I couldn't make up my mind so I just picked an option and went with it. Lancaster is where my family is. I also have a big community there, being the town I spent most of my life in.
     Before I head back to PA though I will first be spending a month living and working in Alaska... on an Alpaca ranch. It's so random that I'm doing this but I love it! I want to see as much of the world as possible and I'm actually taking steps on my own to accomplish this goal. I found this opportunity on helpx.net thanks to a facebook friend who posted the link on my timeline. Basically there are work opportunities all of the world where you will work for free but in exchange for free food and shelter. I leave June 9th.
     But enough about my future. Let's talk about my past. I have lived in Los Angeles since September of 2011. Almost 2 years! I'm starting to fear that choosing to move back to Lancaster was a mistake. The past few weeks I was reminded of how awesome LA as a city is.
     First, my job. Why the hell am I leaving the job I have now? I may never find a job as good as the one I have now. Seriously. I go to work to socialize and engage in activities with people that have become good friends. My day usually starts off with discussing quotes and then can range from anywhere from jamming on guitars to watching anime shows. There aren't many jobs that involve this much fun. We are even starting to go on little outings with the participants. Last week we went to the Getty Museum. Next week we are going to the La Brea Tar Pits.
     If you love the entertainment industry there's really no reason for you to live anywhere else than LA. Last week I had the pleasure of witnessing the Backstreet Boys receive their star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. This was very meaningful to me. The Backstreet Boys made me who I am today. When I was in elementary school I was a huge fan of this boy band. I loved dancing to their music and had posters in my room of them. This of course resulting in a tough childhood in some cases. I was picked on. People called me "Gay." Really all that it was was me seeing them as role models and wanting to be like them because they had all the ladies screaming for them. I wanted that to be me. I think getting picked on in school made me the self-conscious person I am today. Always worrying about what people think of me. I'm not blaming the Backstreet Boys, but thanking them. I'm not proud of the fact that I am self-conscious but I am learning to accept myself for who I am.
     On monday I had one of the greatest nights of my life. I claim the TV show "Arrested Development" to be my favorite show ever. It's so hilarious! It had a short 3 seasons, ending in 2006 because people weren't watching it when it was actually on TV. Due to it gaining many fans and lots of support they finally decided to bring the show back! I had been waiting for its return for years and I got to go to the world freaking premiere! My mind is still blown away thinking about it. It was a dream come true. You walk into the lobby of the theatre and there's all the stars just hanging out chatting to each other. I was within inches of them. And then sitting in the fifth row while they all came to the front and we gave them a roaring standing ovation... My life is complete! There's seriously no way for me to describe the feeling. We watched the first two episodes of the new season and I was not disappointed at all. They've still got it!
     These all of course are things that can only happen in LA. There are many other awesome perks of living here that I could go into such as the free comedy shows at the Upright Citizen's Brigade, cool music venues, seeing celebrities in person while walking around, hiking 30 minutes from my apartment up to Griffith Observatory, etc. I was also reminded yesterday while celebrating my birthday of the community of friends I have made here. So why am I leaving? It would seem that this is the town for me to be in.
     Pennsylvania is home to me. Maybe not my home for the rest of my life, but for now. There's something about being so close to family that is comforting. Part of it is for financial reasons. LA is expensive. Part of it is because I want to find something new for me to do. I need to find my niche. There's no telling what I'll be doing for a job in a few months. Only time will tell.

What I like about the Bible

     I have a really weird relationship with the Bible. I spend a lot of my time thinking about how much I don't like what it says and yet on the other hand there are things that it says that I sincerely follow and wouldn't follow if it had not been for it. It's only a handful of verses but I will share them with you.

     Matthew 5:44- "But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." I don't so much pray for my enemies but I will love them none the less because they, like me, are human. We all make mistakes but it would seem that some mistakes are worse than others and we believe that only truly bad people can make these certain mistakes (i.e. the guys who bombed the Boston Marathon). This also goes with another verse that I take to heart...

     Matthew 18:22 says, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." That of course is Jesus telling us how many times we are to forgive those who do us wrong. Can this really be the way to go? Are we really going to allow people to take advantage of us and walk all over us? I'm not sure how much I really believe in Jesus but I honestly believe that we should always forgive, no matter how many times a person does us wrong. It's hard to explain but it just makes sense to me. I think that when a person does you wrong and sees that you forgave them again and again they will eventually realize that what they did was wrong and feel bad. Despite all that they've done to you, you showed them love anyway. That doesn't mean no punishment. I believe in putting people in prison for crimes such as murder but it's just the way we treat them while they are in there. It's punishment enough for them to be locked in a cell against their will. We don't need to think badly of them.

     I like to tie in the pacifist thing when I'm on this subject. If you truly believe in living your life like Jesus and loving your enemies, there is absolutely no way you can justify any war. Picture Jesus right now. Think of all the stereotypes you know about him. Can you really imagine Jesus Christ, the son of God suiting up in military uniform to defend his country, his freedom, and those he loves? Would Jesus ever carry a weapon of any kind for any reason? Think about that before wearing one of those WWJD bracelets.

     1 Corinthians 12: 15-20... "15 Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. 16 And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. 17 If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? 18 But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. 19 If they were all one part, where would the body be? 20 As it is, there are many parts, but one body."

     God I love that passage! What a great analogy! It gives me hope. I often wonder how I am contributing to the good of the world. We all are different and contribute in our own unique way in making the world a better place. Every time I get down on myself and think "Man I'm no good at anything," I think of this verse and it gives me hope. I may not be contributing in the way I would like and what is normal but I do believe there must be something I'm doing right. Just because I am not a Mark Zuckerberg doesn't mean I'm not part of the world. Just because I am not a Ryan Gosling doesn't mean I'm not part of the world. I am Nathan Mast and I am part of this world. Hehe... a little cheesy but you get the point.

     Romans 2: 13-15... "13 For it is not those who hear the law who are righteous in God’s sight, but it is those who obey the law who will be declared righteous.14 (Indeed, when Gentiles, who do not have the law, do by nature things required by the law, they are a law for themselves, even though they do not have the law. 15 They show that the requirements of the law are written on their hearts, their consciences also bearing witness, and their thoughts sometimes accusing them and at other times even defending them.)"

     The above verses prove that you do not need to be a Christian to be "saved." I hate the term saved because I don't believe in Hell but I think that Christians who preach that you need to believe in God in order to go to Heaven should read these verses again. A lot of Christians seem to believe that morality is religiously affiliated only. That is not necessarily true from what I've learned. There are many good atheists out there who know right from wrong. See... even the Bible says, as long as they do what is required of the law then they will be considered righteous.

     So those were some of the passages of the Bible that I actually like and abide by. I am still basically Agnostic but I think you can learn from a lot of different sources. Even sources that are mostly not true, such as the Bible.

Nothing New

     I came here to my favorite hotspot to write a blog tonight. Can't think of anything new to write about. I think I've covered every issue out there. There is definitely more I can talk about with each topic. Things that I forgot to mention that I wish I would have, but I don't like to edit a blog once it's published. I'll be sure to be thinking of a new topic in the coming days.

The Death Penalty

     Okay so I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to come up with another topic to write about tonight. I usually don't come out with posts this frequently but I was in the blogging spirit. As I was scanning through my news feed on facebook tonight I noticed a post about how James Holmes will plead guilty to avoid the death penalty. In case you don't remember, Holmes is the guy who shot up all those innocent people in the movie theatre in Colorado.
     I was reading all the comments posted on this story and not to my surprise I felt disgusted and extremely sad. Every time a story like this comes out and people comment on it I am always reminded of how uncivilized and unethical our society is.
     It is no secret that what this young man did was a terrible thing. It is nobody's right to decide when another's life should end. Clearly though he was not right in the head. He clearly could have used some good therapy and possibly even mental health medication. 
     I mean it's quite obvious really. If someone thinks that killing random people like that is okay, they aren't right in the head. And so therefore I think we should have more compassion for him.
     I said earlier that it's nobody's right to decide when another's life should end. That also goes for the justice system. With the right help I fully believe that James Holmes can change. I believe that he can come to understand that what he did was very wrong. We can argue what the best way to teach him this is, whether you think a lifetime in prison will teach him this, or in a highly confined mental hospital, but ending his life will certainly never give him that chance.
     I've always felt uneasy when I hear other's glorifying the death of a criminal. When Osama Bin Ladin was killed there was all this hype about it and people were celebrating. That just doesn't sit well with me. When we kill someone as punishment for them killing someone else, we are no better than them for they also thought they had reason to end another's life.

The Positives

     In most of my blog posts you usually find me complaining about religion. Christianity in particular. And also in my everyday life I spend a big portion of my time thinking about how Christians are making the world a crappy place to live in. I have to acknowledge though the good things that are coming from the church.
     Possibly the best thing the church offers is a place to build community. Now that I am out in the real world making a living I am finding it hard to find friends and have a social life. When in school you are forced to be around a big group of people your age all the time and with that comes friendships. I have made the decision that I don't want religion to be a part of my life at the moment and because of this I am sacrificing having a better community of friends. There are all sorts of church Community groups in Los Angeles with lots of young people in them that I could easily go to right now, and they would turn into my friends and I wouldn't feel as lonely as I do now. I can't be a part of that though. I would either remain silent during our discussions and have the frustration building up inside me because I don't agree with what they are saying, or annoy the crap out of them because I am always arguing with them. So basically if you don't want to feel lonely, go to church. Just acknowledge that the reasons you are going are a bit selfish.
     This next part I hate to admit but there might be some truth to it. Christians, from what I've noticed, although I'm probably wrong, tend to be less of assholes than those who didn't grow up in the church. Maybe I've just had bad experiences with those outside the church but in general this is what I've noticed. Obviously though there are always exceptions and there are plenty of very nice people who aren't Christians. When I say assholes I'm talking about basic things like not being compassionate. I didn't realize this until recently, but the idea of forgiveness is mostly only a Christian term. And I think forgiveness is one of the most important things in life. Don't get me wrong though, Christians are still to blame for a lot of suicides in the gay community because their family and friends wouldn't accept them for who they are. And Christians are to blame for the slow growth of many scientific and medical improvements. They are still to blame for a lot of what is wrong with the world but at least they are nice about it.
     Okay so I am bored now and am having troubling thinking of more to say. You get the point. Christianity isn't all bad. I think I'd better stick to complaining about it though. There is always room for improvement. More to come soon.

Understanding Feminism

     As one who has considered themselves a feminist for some time now, I really have to look into why I am in fact a feminist, and what really is the definition of a feminist. I think it's a lot more than we realize and I don't think anyone is a true feminist.
     I became a feminist for kind of selfish, yet legit, reasons. It started with when I began to try online dating. Since I am rather young to start online dating, there weren't many girls my age on the sites. I realized that most women will not date men no more than a couple years younger than them but they have no problem dating men significantly older than them. I have never had a problem with the idea of dating a girl older than me. This got me thinking about it a lot. I decided that this was sexist.
     Women, as much as they're willing to admit it or not, still see men as sort of the dominate sex. They see them as a sense of security. When a man is younger than them he has less experience in life and therefore they loose a bit of that sense of security.
     I had a problem with that for a while. But then again, I started to really think about it, and maybe that isn't so bad. Before you go and call me sexist, keep reading. You'll learn that you're just as sexist as me.
     Here's a little fun dating question that you may have heard (if you're a boy), "Would you date a girl that's taller than you?" Or if you're a girl, "Would you date a guy shorter than you?" The fact that that is even a question should cause you to question your feminist beliefs. Aside from the fact that I'm 6 foot 3, I don't think I would date a girl taller than me. Why though? It goes back to the whole man being dominant physically, because they are the security. They should not be stronger. I should not feel dominated physically. I'm being a little sarcastic here but deep down I think most people really think that.
     Women have always complained about men being sexist and making sexist jokes, as they have every right to. They complain that statistically men tend to make more money doing the same jobs as women. But ladies, it isn't helping the cause when you expect the man to pay for you on dates. It also doesn't help when you expect the man to open doors for you, and the whole "Ladies first" rule. As a man, I am always willing to pay for the woman on a date. I do this because I know it's expected, and I do this because I am just downright bad a finding dates in the first place. It's not gonna help me to have yet another reason for a girl not to like me.
     One of the biggest contributors in the sexism throughout history and in every culture is that every god in every major religion is a male or father figure. This right here I think is the biggest problem. We can only seem to see the ruler that watches over us as a man. Why is this? That's all I'm asking. I don't have an answer. Religion isn't really important in my life right now for various reasons. I guess the male hierarchy problem plays into it.
     One last thing that I've noticed people do.. Ever notice how you always assume someone else's pet is male. "What's his name?" You ask. Or ever notice that when stating something about another driver on the road you assume the driver is a man? These all prove how much of the male gender is dominating our culture. But at least we call our great nation of America a woman. Maybe there IS hope after all ;)
     So there you go. I realize that I'm not even scraping the surface of what it means to be a feminist. I didn't go into the whole women having the right to wear whatever they want and it being the man's problem for looking at her lustfully. That's a little more of a touchy subject. And I didn't go into the abortion thing and women having the right to choose what's right for their bodies. I definitely believe they do. I just wanted to open your mind to consider the things I've mentioned and form your own opinions based on what I've brought to your attention.

The Hollywood Dream

     Some of you know that one of the reasons I moved out to LA was to break into the entertainment industry. Specifically acting and directing. I've changed a lot since I first arrived almost a year and a half ago. Not that I'm not still interested in doing that anymore. I've just changed my thinking a little bit.

     As you may know I work with the homeless. I've worked with them ever since I've been here. Slowly I started to realize that so many of the people I'm around all day have dreams of being a famous actor, writer, comedian, etc. Not just the homeless are like this. Everywhere you go people think they are the next big thing. It gets a little tiring. As a person who can relate to them I shouldn't get annoyed with it. You may think that it's just me not wanting so much competition but I don't think it is. I'm ashamed to be one of these people. But I think now my urge to be a famous actor is fading.

     I used to be the type of person who would get way too excited and geeked out if I saw someone famous, or even if I had a connection to someone who was famous. I remember in middle school I heard my neighbor's daughter worked with a guy who was a conception artist for the Star Wars movies and I just thought that was the coolest thing. Even that little connection would get me fantasizing about getting invited to the lady's work (who I didn't even know. I just knew her mother). I would get talking to this guy who worked on Star Wars and he would then introduce me to George Lucas and I would become good friends with George and he would put me in a movie. I have quite the imagination. That's why even the slightest connection to someone famous would get me excited. Obviously living in LA I have way better connections than that so I'm getting used to it and a lot less interested.

     So why is fame so intriguing? I guess it's just the idea that you can be liked even without knowing someone. That you can walk into a room and everybody knows who you are and wants to be friends with you. I guess just popularity would be the correct word to use. As someone who is shy and has a hard time approaching strangers at parties and other places, knowing that if I were famous I wouldn't have to worry about that anymore sounded great.

     But I'm learning that I don't need that. I still want to do acting, but not for that reason. I like acting because it's an excuse to play pretend as an adult. It's an excuse to do anything you want as long as it's in the script. I also can't denny that there is some level of wanting to be liked... In the way that people are impressed with my acting abilities. I want to entertain people too.

     I just wish that there weren't so many other people that wanted to be actors too. I feel bad for those who plan their whole life on that someday they will be a famous actor. A lot of them are clearly not going to achieve their dreams just based on their overall talent. And it's just very competitive too. There has got to be hundreds of thousands of people in LA who want to be actors and obviously they can't all be so.

     I am not really a goal-oriented person. I have no idea where I'm going to be in a year from now. I have no idea where I want to be. I don't think there's anything wrong with that though. It's a bad thing if you want to settle down with a family and have a steady job for the rest of your life, yes. And I DO want to have a family someday. I'm not rushing anything though. Here are some of the things I want to try in life: Live and work in Montana, specifically in the Glacier National Park area. Maybe doing park ranger stuff or giving tours on hiking trails; Work at a zoo (I love animals) even if it involves cleaning up poo; Play Jean Valjean or Javert in Les Miserables (Obviously not for a long time because of my age); Travel the world. Literally. As many places I can get to at least; Start a business, a small business like selling my family's mustard and pepper jelly in stores; Write a book; etc.

     Okay so I can't list everything because there is just so many things I want to do. Life is short but it can move slowly if you want it to. I enjoy being around my friends who are struggling with homelessness but I can't do that forever. For one thing the pay isn't all that great. I just want to try other things, keeping acting a part of my life too.