Friday, March 30, 2012

Finally Content

     For the first time in my life I am actually content with not having all the answers to every theological issue. I am not pissed off at God anymore. The reason for this is I have basically removed any relationship with God I might have had in my life. I don't read the Bible, I don't pray, and I just don't question anymore. It's funny, I thought God was the only way to happiness. Instead it was the opposite.
     I believe in God. I decided this for sure after I saw a presentation about the universe at the planetarium at Griffith Observatory last week. I'm not sure if God is actively involved in the world anymore though. Maybe God is, maybe God isn't. Doesn't really matter to me anymore. I've never felt the presence of God in my life before. There was always that question anytime I thought I heard God's voice in my head that it was just me talking to myself in my head. And there was always that question whenever something happened that was highly unlikely and was good, that it was just a weird coincidence. Coincidences make more sense then to think God is controlling everything. Maybe God is though. I may never know.
     Trusting in the Lord my God and leaning not on my own understanding doesn't make sense to me anymore. It's hard to understand why so many people are doing that just because some book tells them to. It's a cop-out. Whatever though. I'm trying not to judge anymore.
     I mentioned before that God doesn't lead to happiness for me. In fact, you can argue that a Christian should never be happy and content. There were a few instances when Jesus was pretty pissed off. He was never really happy with how things were in the world. He was always sharing ways to make it better and talking about what's wrong with the world. So maybe I'm wrong with just accepting things how they are. But it's more the spiritual things that I'm content with, not the problems of the world. I'm the kind of person that wants deed done instead of prayer said.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Can you spare any change?

     I haven't been writing new blogs recently. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I feel like I've covered all of my beliefs. Now anything I say will pretty much be repeating myself. That's probably not entirely true. There's probably much more I can talk about that I'm not thinking of... But for now, if it seems like you've heard me say something before, I apologize.
     You know what I hate? I hate being asked if I can spare some change. This happens all the time. About 95% of the time I say no. I guess the reason why I hate it is because I feel so guilty. It makes me have to question myself at the time whether I'm doing something wrong or right. Almost always do I get the feeling that I should be more generous with my money and give them a little something. Most people (including me) don't think that just giving money away is gonna help them. A lot of people will say that you should suggest that you offer to get them something to eat. However, I'm starting to learn that just giving them food isn't that much help either. For one thing, there are places (like my work) that are there to help them with the hunger thing. Also, restaurant/fast food isn't always the healthiest and/or the cheapest option.
     So what do we do when we are asked to spare some change? I try to remember the passage in the Bible about the Good Samaritan or the phrase "What would Jesus do?" Sometimes I don't even like the WWJD phrase though because we are not Jesus. Jesus performed miracles to feed the hungry and to heal the sick. We can't do that! Jesus doesn't tell us what to do when someone comes up to us asking for money. He just says to love your neighbor as yourself. So if I were asking for money I would want someone to be nice and give me some. Is that our answer then? I'm not sure because we don't know if they're lying. They could just as easily be asking for money so they can buy drugs. In fact, once I came home from work with extra sack lunches and giving them out to homeless people I see and some people just said they want change and not food. Sometimes people will even admit that they want money for drugs. "But I would never do drugs" is what we tell ourselves. Therefore, it is harder to put ourselves in their shoes and understand what they're going through. So my answer is I don't know. I don't know what to do when people ask for money.
     Maybe offering to buy them food is the best option. I just never do that. And that's when the guilt comes in. I probably could be doing more. Most of the time though I just don't feel like going out of my way and interrupting what I'm doing or where I'm going. And that's selfish. I am not always the good samaritan.
     There was once a time where I was almost the epitome of one of the people that passed by the man that needed help in the story of The Good Samaritan. Almost is the key word though. One morning on my walk to work, on the other side of the street I heard someone yelling "Help! Help!!" in a moaning and in pain voice. For maybe ten seconds I tried to just ignore it, thinking that it was probably a client on one of their crazy drug outbursts. If you worked where I do you would understand better. People are talking/screaming to themselves all the time. I was also a little scared too (this is 6 in the morning when it is still dark out and there aren't many people around mind you). But then I catch glimpse of him. A homeless man, for I am getting pretty good at figuring out if someone is homeless based on looking at them. He was on the ground shaking like it was a seizure but clenching his chest like it was a heart attack. I decide to J-walk across the street. Had to wait for some cars since this was Vine Street, one of Hollywood's busy roads. By the time I get to him he could talk and he was coughing up lots of blood. I called 911 and they sent the paramedics. I waited with him till they arrived and then got to work not too late. That's another thing, I left early that morning for some reason. If I left on time would it have been too late? I would like to think I saved a life but who knows? There was only one other person that walked by and that was after the ambulance got there. When the ambulance got there he had stopped shaking and was just laying there with his eyes closed. Looked like he was dead but I could hear him breathing. Plus he had a puddle of blood around him. It definitely looked bad. So anyway that was pretty intense. Makes for a pretty interesting story.