Some of you know that one of the
reasons I moved out to LA was to break into the entertainment
industry. Specifically acting and directing. I've changed a lot since
I first arrived almost a year and a half ago. Not that I'm not still
interested in doing that anymore. I've just changed my thinking a
little bit.
As you may know I work with the
homeless. I've worked with them ever since I've been here. Slowly I
started to realize that so many of the people I'm around all day have
dreams of being a famous actor, writer, comedian, etc. Not just the
homeless are like this. Everywhere you go people think they are the
next big thing. It gets a little tiring. As a person who can relate
to them I shouldn't get annoyed with it. You may think that it's just
me not wanting so much competition but I don't think it is. I'm
ashamed to be one of these people. But I think now my urge to be a
famous actor is fading.
I used to be the type of person who
would get way too excited and geeked out if I saw someone famous, or
even if I had a connection to someone who was famous. I remember in
middle school I heard my neighbor's daughter worked with a guy who
was a conception artist for the Star Wars movies and I just thought
that was the coolest thing. Even that little connection would get me
fantasizing about getting invited to the lady's work (who I didn't
even know. I just knew her mother). I would get talking to this guy
who worked on Star Wars and he would then introduce me to George
Lucas and I would become good friends with George and he would put me
in a movie. I have quite the imagination. That's why even the
slightest connection to someone famous would get me excited.
Obviously living in LA I have way better connections than that so I'm
getting used to it and a lot less interested.
So why is fame so intriguing? I guess
it's just the idea that you can be liked even without knowing
someone. That you can walk into a room and everybody knows who you
are and wants to be friends with you. I guess just popularity would
be the correct word to use. As someone who is shy and has a hard time
approaching strangers at parties and other places, knowing that if I
were famous I wouldn't have to worry about that anymore sounded
great.
But I'm learning that I don't need
that. I still want to do acting, but not for that reason. I like
acting because it's an excuse to play pretend as an adult. It's an
excuse to do anything you want as long as it's in the script. I also
can't denny that there is some level of wanting to be liked... In the
way that people are impressed with my acting abilities. I want to
entertain people too.
I just wish that there weren't so many
other people that wanted to be actors too. I feel bad for those who
plan their whole life on that someday they will be a famous actor. A
lot of them are clearly not going to achieve their dreams just based
on their overall talent. And it's just very competitive too. There
has got to be hundreds of thousands of people in LA who want to be
actors and obviously they can't all be so.
I am not really a goal-oriented
person. I have no idea where I'm going to be in a year from now. I
have no idea where I want to be. I don't think there's anything wrong
with that though. It's a bad thing if you want to settle down with a
family and have a steady job for the rest of your life, yes. And I DO
want to have a family someday. I'm not rushing anything though. Here
are some of the things I want to try in life: Live and work in
Montana, specifically in the Glacier National Park area. Maybe doing
park ranger stuff or giving tours on hiking trails; Work at a zoo (I
love animals) even if it involves cleaning up poo; Play Jean Valjean
or Javert in Les Miserables (Obviously not for a long time because of
my age); Travel the world. Literally. As many places I can get to at
least; Start a business, a small business like selling my family's
mustard and pepper jelly in stores; Write a book; etc.
Okay so I can't list everything
because there is just so many things I want to do. Life is short but
it can move slowly if you want it to. I enjoy being around my friends
who are struggling with homelessness but I can't do that forever. For
one thing the pay isn't all that great. I just want to try other
things, keeping acting a part of my life too.
