Some of you know that one of the reasons I moved out to LA was to break into the entertainment industry. Specifically acting and directing. I've changed a lot since I first arrived almost a year and a half ago. Not that I'm not still interested in doing that anymore. I've just changed my thinking a little bit.
As you may know I work with the homeless. I've worked with them ever since I've been here. Slowly I started to realize that so many of the people I'm around all day have dreams of being a famous actor, writer, comedian, etc. Not just the homeless are like this. Everywhere you go people think they are the next big thing. It gets a little tiring. As a person who can relate to them I shouldn't get annoyed with it. You may think that it's just me not wanting so much competition but I don't think it is. I'm ashamed to be one of these people. But I think now my urge to be a famous actor is fading.
I used to be the type of person who would get way too excited and geeked out if I saw someone famous, or even if I had a connection to someone who was famous. I remember in middle school I heard my neighbor's daughter worked with a guy who was a conception artist for the Star Wars movies and I just thought that was the coolest thing. Even that little connection would get me fantasizing about getting invited to the lady's work (who I didn't even know. I just knew her mother). I would get talking to this guy who worked on Star Wars and he would then introduce me to George Lucas and I would become good friends with George and he would put me in a movie. I have quite the imagination. That's why even the slightest connection to someone famous would get me excited. Obviously living in LA I have way better connections than that so I'm getting used to it and a lot less interested.
So why is fame so intriguing? I guess it's just the idea that you can be liked even without knowing someone. That you can walk into a room and everybody knows who you are and wants to be friends with you. I guess just popularity would be the correct word to use. As someone who is shy and has a hard time approaching strangers at parties and other places, knowing that if I were famous I wouldn't have to worry about that anymore sounded great.
But I'm learning that I don't need that. I still want to do acting, but not for that reason. I like acting because it's an excuse to play pretend as an adult. It's an excuse to do anything you want as long as it's in the script. I also can't denny that there is some level of wanting to be liked... In the way that people are impressed with my acting abilities. I want to entertain people too.
I just wish that there weren't so many other people that wanted to be actors too. I feel bad for those who plan their whole life on that someday they will be a famous actor. A lot of them are clearly not going to achieve their dreams just based on their overall talent. And it's just very competitive too. There has got to be hundreds of thousands of people in LA who want to be actors and obviously they can't all be so.
I am not really a goal-oriented person. I have no idea where I'm going to be in a year from now. I have no idea where I want to be. I don't think there's anything wrong with that though. It's a bad thing if you want to settle down with a family and have a steady job for the rest of your life, yes. And I DO want to have a family someday. I'm not rushing anything though. Here are some of the things I want to try in life: Live and work in Montana, specifically in the Glacier National Park area. Maybe doing park ranger stuff or giving tours on hiking trails; Work at a zoo (I love animals) even if it involves cleaning up poo; Play Jean Valjean or Javert in Les Miserables (Obviously not for a long time because of my age); Travel the world. Literally. As many places I can get to at least; Start a business, a small business like selling my family's mustard and pepper jelly in stores; Write a book; etc.
Okay so I can't list everything because there is just so many things I want to do. Life is short but it can move slowly if you want it to. I enjoy being around my friends who are struggling with homelessness but I can't do that forever. For one thing the pay isn't all that great. I just want to try other things, keeping acting a part of my life too.